Profound articles bridged by simplicity
Being a partner of an abuse survivor
Published on October 10, 2004 By CamMeg In Personal Relationships
Being a survivor from abuse in itself is an accomplishment. Learning to empower yourself after enduring abuse is essential. After you have gone through therapy and literally reconstructed who you are, what your core values are, you again start life. Meeting new people and forming relationships is so freeing. Being able to share and discuss one anothers philosophies and issues knowing the other is truly interested in them.

Evenually you fall in love and it scares you, even with all the therapy and empowerment. Beginning to trust again is the hardest part but you do,allowing the vulnerbility and sharing the control because you know this too is part of living. There is however a difference between letting go of the past and forgetting it.

When one shares this baggage with their partner they do so to create an awareness for their partner to understand some reactions that occur. The reality of involving yourself with a survivor of abuse is that unfortunately there are times that you end up paying for the sins of another person. This certainly does not invalidate feelings of resentment of the partner due to particular reactions,but it also doesn't invalidate the why the reactions occur either.

Remember when you learn a new subject in school the learning is the tool, you must practice in order to master the ability no matter what the subject is and rarely does it happen overnight.

The bottomline is communicating the feelings on both sides no one is wrong everyone's feelings count.

It's not ever easy but everyone has baggage in one form or another. ~Have good evening~!~ ~Peace,Love,Health & Happiness~Extended to all

Comments
on Oct 11, 2004
That is very true, I did find myself at the other end of it, for I did indeed pay for the sins of another. That is part of the sharing and part of the process. Seeing that in my partner was hurting. I saw in her the pain that someone else inflected and yet it was me who had to pay. I shared her pain and hopefully we grew closer for it.